Revenge: A Dish Best Served Wet

Has there ever been a story that you’ve told everyone you meet because it’s guaranteed to get a laugh?

In this particular case, my “go-to” story is something that I have not shared with a lot of people. However, my close friends and I agree that it is the stuff of legend.

When I fathomed writing this, I couldn’t just use my perspective because there were multiple views of the event that contribute to the story as a whole. So I collaborated with 2 other witnesses to develop somewhat of an “Oral History” or “Dramatic Retelling” of this event. The characters are as follows (Names have been changed to protect identities): Continue reading

A Timeline of Hilarious Vomit Stories From My Life: Part 2

6 steps!?

On this blog, I typically like to write about sports-related topics, but I do occasionally dip into funny life stories. The first part of this vomit story series (which you can read here) was just something that I thought was a collection of funny happenings pertaining to vomit. Little did I know that it would be my most viewed blog post thus far! I was astonished by two things:

1. That I was starting to be picked up by major search engines such as Google and Yahoo.

2. That the top 4 searches for people who found my blog on a search engine were “vomit”, “people vomiting”, “projectile vomiting”, and “Brian Wilson

Back on subject, when we last left off, I was leaving the land of elementary school where vomiting in public was not entirely humiliating, but not something you wanted to develop a reputation for. Unfortunately, in 8th grade, a peer of mine did just that. Continue reading

Obscenely Early NFL Playoff Predictions: 6-6-6 Edition

Jay Cutler’s reaction upon reading this blog

Almost three weeks in to the NFL preseason, and the injuries are starting to mount for some teams and certain players. I wanted to get this post up before the preseason started to avoid injuries affecting my choices, but alas, I waited until now to get it going. I’ll give you my 4 division winners and 2 wildcard choices from each conference. Plus, just to have fun, I’ll give you an AFC and NFC champion and a Super Bowl.

For the record, I will abide by the 6-6-6 rule for the NFL playoffs. On average, 6 new teams will get to the playoffs that weren’t in last year, 6 will drop out, and 6 will stay in. Continue reading

The Yellow Card

Rec Soccer: The most intense Saturdays of my life.

As an 8 year old, your responsibilities in life are pretty small. Getting homework done, watching cartoons, and playing sports were three of the primary activities that consumed a lot of my childhood. In particular, I really loved playing soccer as a kid. From my ten years of playing, I have a lot of great memories. However, I don’t think there was a more innocent time in my life than my early days of playing. Continue reading

The Pros and Cons of Growing Up

Is there anything he doesn’t know?

“Father time waits for none of us”
One of my favorite football players of all time, Ed Reed, used these words in describing his contemplation of retirement this past off season. And he’s absolutely right. Ed realized his playing days were almost over, and while home after the NFL season, he became very enthralled with spending time with his family. So much so, that he almost hung up his cleats, and moved on to a different stage in his life.
This might be the only time that I will ever be able to compare myself to one of the greatest safeties to ever play in the NFL. But recently, I entered “The Real World” (not the reality show that spawned former WWE Champion Mike “The Miz” Mizanin). I’ve essentially moved in to the next phase in my life, and I’m loving the freedom and independence of it. On the other hand, I’m also the cliched young adult where I’m constantly asking things like, “I have to pay this much for my electric?”

So with that, I’ve decided to make a list of pros and cons of various life issues that I’ve faced since I’ve “grown up.” Continue reading

A Timeline of Hilarious Vomit Stories From My Life: Part 1

That’s what you get for wearing your hat sideways

Whenever an inappropriate story was brought up at the dinner table growing up, my father would disgustedly cut us off with a, “We’re eating here!” However, today, after a fellow employee was sick in the bathroom, seemingly everyone I saw soon after recanted their best puke/upchuck/vomit/hurl/throwing up stories. Quite the dichotomy in settings. I sat down and thought about it for a bit and came up with a list of the best puke stories in my life (most of which I was personally responsible for). Hope you’re not reading this over lunch… Continue reading

Sports Media Scrutiny at an All Time High

With a face like this, who needs enemies?

It’s funny to me. After years of watching my beloved Baltimore Orioles flounder with failed prospects (Hayden Penn, Adam Loewen, etc…) and overpriced free agent signings (Kevin Gregg…), we are finally having a good year. More importantly, we are playing meaningful baseball, and it’s almost August. While yes I have been a little frustrated at our starting pitcher carousel and our offensive ineptitude, the fact remains; we are a winning baseball team. And I’m glad that when they do play poorly, I actually care. Every September, as we chug along toward another losing season, we seem to bring up players that have lurked in the depths of minor league baseball. At that point, you might as well wave the white flag because Chris Waters isn’t going to win you many ballgames.

But as I read any kind of Orioles article, it’s all negativity. The run differential is one of the worst in the majors. We shouldn’t trade anybody because we’re going to wind up under .500 anyway. Hell yesterday, I read someone actually advocating trading Matt Wieters, who has struggled at the plate lately but still remains the best defensive catcher in baseball. Can’t people, who are being paid to write about the thing they love, be a little more positive? I can think of two more examples just this week of overblown scrutiny. Continue reading