The Pros and Cons of Growing Up

Is there anything he doesn’t know?

(Repost from 2012)

“Father time waits for none of us”
One of my favorite football players of all time, Ed Reed, used these words in describing his contemplation of retirement this past off season. And he’s absolutely right. Ed realized his playing days were almost over, and while home after the NFL season, he became very enthralled with spending time with his family. So much so, that he almost hung up his cleats, and moved on to a different stage in his life.
This might be the only time that I will ever be able to compare myself to one of the greatest safeties to ever play in the NFL. But recently, I entered “The Real World” (not the reality show that spawned former WWE Champion Mike “The Miz” Mizanin). I’ve essentially moved in to the next phase in my life, and I’m loving the freedom and independence of it. On the other hand, I’m also the cliched young adult where I’m constantly asking things like, “I have to pay this much for my electric?”

So with that, I’ve decided to make a list of pros and cons of various life issues that I’ve faced since I’ve “grown up.” Continue reading

Revenge: A Dish Best Served Wet

Has there ever been a story that you’ve told everyone you meet because it’s guaranteed to get a laugh?

In this particular case, my “go-to” story is something that I have not shared with a lot of people. However, my close friends and I agree that it is the stuff of legend.

When I fathomed writing this, I couldn’t just use my perspective because there were multiple views of the event that contribute to the story as a whole. So I collaborated with 2 other witnesses to develop somewhat of an “Oral History” or “Dramatic Retelling” of this event. The characters are as follows (Names have been changed to protect identities): Continue reading

A Timeline of Hilarious Vomit Stories From My Life: Part 2

6 steps!?

On this blog, I typically like to write about sports-related topics, but I do occasionally dip into funny life stories. The first part of this vomit story series (which you can read here) was just something that I thought was a collection of funny happenings pertaining to vomit. Little did I know that it would be my most viewed blog post thus far! I was astonished by two things:

1. That I was starting to be picked up by major search engines such as Google and Yahoo.

2. That the top 4 searches for people who found my blog on a search engine were “vomit”, “people vomiting”, “projectile vomiting”, and “Brian Wilson

Back on subject, when we last left off, I was leaving the land of elementary school where vomiting in public was not entirely humiliating, but not something you wanted to develop a reputation for. Unfortunately, in 8th grade, a peer of mine did just that. Continue reading

A Timeline of Hilarious Vomit Stories From My Life: Part 1

That’s what you get for wearing your hat sideways

Whenever an inappropriate story was brought up at the dinner table growing up, my father would disgustedly cut us off with a, “We’re eating here!” However, today, after a fellow employee was sick in the bathroom, seemingly everyone I saw soon after recanted their best puke/upchuck/vomit/hurl/throwing up stories. Quite the dichotomy in settings. I sat down and thought about it for a bit and came up with a list of the best puke stories in my life (most of which I was personally responsible for). Hope you’re not reading this over lunch… Continue reading

K.I.T. How to Stay in Touch After College

Is it tasteless that I got this from a teenage depression site?

So you just went through years of college, had the time of your life, graduated, got a job, moved to a new area, and now what? You’re the new person in town by yourself with no friends. It’s pretty daunting being thrown into a completely new facet of your life with essentially no preparation.

Remember the 5th grade? The work got a little harder to prepare you for middle school. Then, 8th grade rolls around and we were getting the serious drug and sex talks to avoid any potential mishaps that could damage our futures. Finally, in the latter parts of high school we were taking college preparatory courses to get us a feel for what it’s like ahead.

But with college? Yeah, obviously the course work prepares you for your job environment, but does it really prepare you for looking for an apartment? Setting up utilities? Paying rent? Managing finances? Getting insurance and a vehicle registered in a new state? While some colleges offer occasional workshops to educate people about these things, on a whole, there is little education on what may be the biggest “jump” in our lives.

But the biggest change upon leaving the college world has to be your social environment. While there will definitely be people your own age in your new life, the abundance that was there in college is gone. This is why it is imperative to maintain the strong relationships you gained in high school and college.

I remember going to my senior prom and my date (who had graduated a year prior) telling me that she really only keeps up with her close friends and doesn’t associate with anyone else. I was a little skeptical of this, but she was absolutely right. At this present time, I probably only talk to or hang out with about 7 people from high school. And it’s probably about the same number for college. So it’s incredibly important to keep in contact even though we aren’t living close to each other anymore.

So that brings me to the focal point of this article. How do you stay in touch with people and live our own busy life at the same time? Here are the methods I utilize: Continue reading

Capitol Meats: The Modern Day Ice Cream Truck

Capitol Meat Van

This is how most child-kidnapping stories begin

Going home from work yesterday, I was in the zone. I had an awesome meeting about the future of our company to close my day, and I was ecstatic with the directions we could possibly go. I hit shuffle on my iPod, and i sang every song that came up.

For your reading (and music judging) pleasure:

I Can Love You Like That- All 4 One
Lido Shuffle- Boz Scaggs
It Must Have Been Love- Roxette
Your Smiling Face- James Taylor
Whiskey, Whiskey, Whiskey- John Mayer
Move Bitch- Ludacris

Needless to say, it was a great ride home. As I pull into my apartment complex, I noticed a large van with meats of all varieties adorning the sides parked in the middle of our parking lot. Hmm that’s odd, I thought, but I go around it and pull into my spot. As I’m getting out of my car and gathering my work materials, I hear a shout from across the lot. I casually glance and the guy is yelling to me. As this incredibly sketchy guy approaches me, he extends his pale, tattooed arm to give me a handshake.  Continue reading

Lost in the Crowd

A screencap from a KFC ad in Australia. They’re suggesting something here, but I can’t quite put my finger-licking finger on it.

Game 2 of the NBA Finals was this past evening, and since I don’t get cable in my new apartment until Saturday (which you can read about here), I once again trotted out by my lonesome to another local bar. As I rolled in to Shenanigans (which I learned from a friend was talked about in Super Troopers), I got a pretty good vibe. It seemed like a fun place, not too sketchy, and had a cool blues band performing.

I got carded going in by a nice black gentlemen and then again at the bar, which is unusual, but I’ve got nothing to hide, so I went with it. As the lady takes forever perilously scanning my ID, I take a looksee around the bar to check out the crowd. Before I can get a great look though, the bartender hands me back my ID and I order a beer. As I’m drinking and watching the game I happen to glance occasionally around me and noticed that out of about 20 people, only two of us (me included) are white. Continue reading