The Pros and Cons of Growing Up

Is there anything he doesn’t know?

(Repost from 2012)

“Father time waits for none of us”
One of my favorite football players of all time, Ed Reed, used these words in describing his contemplation of retirement this past off season. And he’s absolutely right. Ed realized his playing days were almost over, and while home after the NFL season, he became very enthralled with spending time with his family. So much so, that he almost hung up his cleats, and moved on to a different stage in his life.
This might be the only time that I will ever be able to compare myself to one of the greatest safeties to ever play in the NFL. But recently, I entered “The Real World” (not the reality show that spawned former WWE Champion Mike “The Miz” Mizanin). I’ve essentially moved in to the next phase in my life, and I’m loving the freedom and independence of it. On the other hand, I’m also the cliched young adult where I’m constantly asking things like, “I have to pay this much for my electric?”

So with that, I’ve decided to make a list of pros and cons of various life issues that I’ve faced since I’ve “grown up.”

1. Food Choices

Pro: I can eat whatever the hell I want now. Ice Cream for dinner? Why not? Order 3 pizzas and eat leftover pizza for a week? Not a problem. And who says you need to wear pants to the dinner table? Not this guy!

Con: Well, the thing is, there’s this problem in America called obesity. Unless you plan on working out Michael Phelps style, eating poorly leads to fat rolls which leads to sweating a lot which leads to massive body odor which leads to no one liking you. Besides that slippery slope, beware the next time you drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning and follow that up with any Mexican dish at lunch. You might as well reserve your bathroom stall at the restaurant now.

2. Making Money

Pro: Man, I have all this money to blow on hookers and coke. Haha just kidding. But look at all the cool stuff I can buy. You mean to tell me they have cube storage spaces where you can customize the cubes according to color and style!? My money. Take it now.

Con: Rent, electric, water, internet, cable, phone, insurance. Unless the next hooker and coke snorting party you go to can house you, allow you to be covered medically when you overdose, and allow you to call your buds and invite them over to watch TV while watching Joan of Arcadia online, these things take precedence. After you get gouged, you might still have some money to hit up Taco Bell or 7-11 for a Slurpee.

3. The Freedom of Doing Whatever You Want

Pro: I spent most of my Fourth of July on my couch drinking beer and having a video game marathon. This weekend, I’m going to a Toastmasters meeting. I might go running after I get back from Happy Hour tonight. The sheer variety is what makes being able to choose what you do so great…

Con: …Unless, you have to include other people. Just like any other time when you try to organize anything with a group, people back out, don’t want to spend money, and arrive late. In addition, because you love your family, you have to dedicate time to them as well. Add in working and sleeping for a combined 16 hours a day, and a lot of the time is gone.

4. Sex

Pro: For couples, you don’t have to sneak around and only do it when your parents or roommates aren’t around. For singles, the sky is the limit. Bar patrons, strippers, coworkers, prostitutes…the world is your oyster.

Con: Did you forget to shave…down there? Are you sensitive about that mole on your butt (yes I am)? Are you wearing that pair of stained undies with the hole in the crotch? All are questions that have to be considered to appease your sexual partners.

5. Curfew

Pro: No more mom and dad getting on you about staying out 5 minutes later than you should have. What a relief. Now you can relax and not worry about it while you’re busting out your sweet dance moves at the club til 3 AM (I must be lonely…don’t think I’d let the opportunity for a Matchbox Twenty reference slip away).

Con: You had better be in bed at a reasonable time before going to work the next day. Otherwise, you’ll be inhaling coffee all day (look up at number 1 on this list) and dragging around the office like a zombie.

6. No Homework

Pro: The excuse “My dog ate it” is no longer needed. When you leave work, the rest of the day is yours. Someone once told me “When you work, work; when you play, play.”

Con: Replacing homework are things like vacuuming, doing dishes, and laundry. Otherwise known as suck, suck, and more suck. Other things like grocery shopping are a little more tolerable though.

These are the biggest changes I’ve noticed in my life since moving out on my own. What’s changed the most for you?


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