The Yellow Card

Rec Soccer: The most intense Saturdays of my life.

As an 8 year old, your responsibilities in life are pretty small. Getting homework done, watching cartoons, and playing sports were three of the primary activities that consumed a lot of my childhood. In particular, I really loved playing soccer as a kid. From my ten years of playing, I have a lot of great memories. However, I don’t think there was a more innocent time in my life than my early days of playing. Continue reading

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Revenge: A Dish Best Served Wet

Has there ever been a story that you’ve told everyone you meet because it’s guaranteed to get a laugh?

In this particular case, my “go-to” story is something that I have not shared with a lot of people. However, my close friends and I agree that it is the stuff of legend.

When I fathomed writing this, I couldn’t just use my perspective because there were multiple views of the event that contribute to the story as a whole. So I collaborated with 2 other witnesses to develop somewhat of an “Oral History” or “Dramatic Retelling” of this event. The characters are as follows (Names have been changed to protect identities): Continue reading

A Timeline of Hilarious Vomit Stories From My Life: Part 2

6 steps!?

On this blog, I typically like to write about sports-related topics, but I do occasionally dip into funny life stories. The first part of this vomit story series (which you can read here) was just something that I thought was a collection of funny happenings pertaining to vomit. Little did I know that it would be my most viewed blog post thus far! I was astonished by two things:

1. That I was starting to be picked up by major search engines such as Google and Yahoo.

2. That the top 4 searches for people who found my blog on a search engine were “vomit”, “people vomiting”, “projectile vomiting”, and “Brian Wilson

Back on subject, when we last left off, I was leaving the land of elementary school where vomiting in public was not entirely humiliating, but not something you wanted to develop a reputation for. Unfortunately, in 8th grade, a peer of mine did just that. Continue reading

A Timeline of Hilarious Vomit Stories From My Life: Part 1

That’s what you get for wearing your hat sideways

Whenever an inappropriate story was brought up at the dinner table growing up, my father would disgustedly cut us off with a, “We’re eating here!” However, today, after a fellow employee was sick in the bathroom, seemingly everyone I saw soon after recanted their best puke/upchuck/vomit/hurl/throwing up stories. Quite the dichotomy in settings. I sat down and thought about it for a bit and came up with a list of the best puke stories in my life (most of which I was personally responsible for). Hope you’re not reading this over lunch… Continue reading

Capitol Meats: The Modern Day Ice Cream Truck

Capitol Meat Van

This is how most child-kidnapping stories begin

Going home from work yesterday, I was in the zone. I had an awesome meeting about the future of our company to close my day, and I was ecstatic with the directions we could possibly go. I hit shuffle on my iPod, and i sang every song that came up.

For your reading (and music judging) pleasure:

I Can Love You Like That- All 4 One
Lido Shuffle- Boz Scaggs
It Must Have Been Love- Roxette
Your Smiling Face- James Taylor
Whiskey, Whiskey, Whiskey- John Mayer
Move Bitch- Ludacris

Needless to say, it was a great ride home. As I pull into my apartment complex, I noticed a large van with meats of all varieties adorning the sides parked in the middle of our parking lot. Hmm that’s odd, I thought, but I go around it and pull into my spot. As I’m getting out of my car and gathering my work materials, I hear a shout from across the lot. I casually glance and the guy is yelling to me. As this incredibly sketchy guy approaches me, he extends his pale, tattooed arm to give me a handshake.  Continue reading

Lost in the Crowd

A screencap from a KFC ad in Australia. They’re suggesting something here, but I can’t quite put my finger-licking finger on it.

Game 2 of the NBA Finals was this past evening, and since I don’t get cable in my new apartment until Saturday (which you can read about here), I once again trotted out by my lonesome to another local bar. As I rolled in to Shenanigans (which I learned from a friend was talked about in Super Troopers), I got a pretty good vibe. It seemed like a fun place, not too sketchy, and had a cool blues band performing.

I got carded going in by a nice black gentlemen and then again at the bar, which is unusual, but I’ve got nothing to hide, so I went with it. As the lady takes forever perilously scanning my ID, I take a looksee around the bar to check out the crowd. Before I can get a great look though, the bartender hands me back my ID and I order a beer. As I’m drinking and watching the game I happen to glance occasionally around me and noticed that out of about 20 people, only two of us (me included) are white. Continue reading